Overall, I think that your argument makes several solid points. Military actions do seem to drive much of the plot, and there is certainly a major focus on the communal over the individual throughout the novel. First off, the plot is not entirely, nor even perhaps mostly, driven by war. Much character development takes place wholly removed from a military milieu (i.e. Pierre's iniation with the Freemasons, his freeing his serfs, meeting Platon, etc.). Overlooking this aspect, without at least admitting this fact, detracts from the argument. Furthermore, I am not sure that you adequately prove how Pierre's focus changes from the individual to the community. Certainly you say it happens, but I do not think that you show it. In fact, the quotation that you use to validate your claim stresses that Pierre loves Natasha, who I do not think can be seen as representative of a community as a whole. The Natasha exposition is your strongest argument for this movement from self love to communal love. You demonstrate well how she has moved from infatuation to a deep love of her family and Pierre. One final minor critique is that you discuss religious sentiment throughout your argument, but do not include it in your introduction.
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